April 2026

One simple practice can change how your child sees you — and how they see themselves. Written in collaboration with the NJ4S Monmouth & Ocean Hubs team at Preferred Behavioral Health Group. The Power of a Safe Adult Every May, Children’s Mental Health Awareness Month reminds us to check in on the kids in our lives — not just the ones who seem to be struggling, but all of them. In Monmouth and Ocean Counties, that matters. A lot of teens tell us they feel judged more than understood. Too many young people are struggling quietly, and too many parents are worried about how to help. No single program or conversation will solve everything. But years of research keep pointing to one simple truth: the biggest thing that protects a child’s mental health is having a safe, trusted adult in their life. Not a perfect one. A steady one. This month, we want to invite every parent and caregiver to try one shift. One small change that can transform how your child sees your relationship — and, over time, how they see themselves. That change is called Unconditional Positive Regard. Understanding UPR: It’s Not Earned, It’s Constant Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR) is an idea from a psychologist named Carl Rogers. The core of it is simple: you accept and value your child no matter how they behave. Your love, your warmth, your acceptance — these aren’t prizes your child wins for good grades or a clean room. They’re always there. That sounds easy. It’s not. Most of us grew up in a world where love felt tied to performance. A “good job” came after the A-plus. A frown came after the broken rule. Over time, kids pick up on a quiet pattern: I’m loved when I’m good. Which also means: when I’m not good, I’m not loved. UPR breaks that pattern. It separates what your child does from who they are. You can still set rules. You can still give consequences. You can still get frustrated. But the deeper message stays the same: you matter to me because you exist, not because of what you do. A study by Lopes, van Putten, and Moormann found that the way we parent shapes a child’s mental health well into adulthood. Kids who grow up feeling accepted no matter what carry that feeling forward — into how they see themselves, how they show up in friendships, and how they handle hard times. Building a Strong Sense of Self Here’s what UPR does on the inside of a child. When kids feel loved only when they succeed, they start to live in fear. Fear of failing. Fear of letting someone down. Fear of the moment love might be taken away. That fear shows up as anxiety, as perfectionism, as a knot in the stomach before every test and every hangout. When kids feel loved no matter what, something different happens. They learn to accept themselves. They can try, fail, and still feel okay. They can mess up — even badly — and still believe they’re worth something. This is a kind of inner shield. It doesn’t stop bad days or normal teen drama. But it keeps small setbacks from turning into big crises. A teen with that shield can fail a math test and feel disappointed. A teen without it can fail the same test and feel, for a moment, like they are a failure as a person. “I don’t like this behavior, but I always love and value YOU.” The consistency mantra of Unconditional Positive Regard Softening the Inner Voice We want to say this part plainly, because it matters. A lot of kids — especially those who’ve been through hard things — carry a harsh voice inside their head. It sounds like “nobody really likes me.” Or “I’m too much.” Or “I’m not enough.” When that voice runs on a loop, it shapes how kids see the world, how they handle setbacks, and whether they feel safe reaching out when things get hard. UPR pushes back against that voice. When a child has spent years hearing, in small everyday ways, that they are loved even at their worst, that message slowly becomes part of how they talk to themselves. It doesn’t cure depression. It doesn’t erase trauma. But it builds a foundation, one day at a time, that says: you belong here. You are loved, exactly as you are. That’s what trauma-informed care looks like at the kitchen table. Practical Application: Be the Trusted Adult This Summer Parents often ask us: “Okay, this sounds nice, but what does it actually look like at 5:30 PM when my kid is slamming doors?” Here’s where to start. Curiosity Over Discipline. When a child acts out, they’re almost always trying to meet a real need with the only tools they have. A toddler who’s hitting is usually overwhelmed. A teen who’s shutting down is usually stressed and doesn’t have the words for it yet. The most powerful thing you can do is change the question. Instead of “How do I win this fight?” try “What is my child trying to tell me with this behavior?” You can still hold the limit. You don’t have to be okay with the behavior. But leading with curiosity changes the whole room. Structure as Safety. For little kids, knowing what happens next is calming. Meals, naps, bedtime, transitions — a predictable rhythm lowers anxiety and stops meltdowns before they start. For teens, strict rules often backfire. What works better is teamwork. Sit down and ask: “What do you need to feel supported this summer? What do I need to feel okay about it?” Make agreements about phones, curfews, and time with friends — together. You’re still the parent. But you’re also teaching them how to think about their own well-being — a skill they’ll need long after they leave home. The Consistency Mantra. When you’re frustrated or angry, try saying this out loud: “I don’t like this behavior,

  If someone has suggested that your child might benefit from psychiatric medication — a teacher, a pediatrician, a school counselor — and your first reaction was hesitation, you are not alone. That hesitation does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a thoughtful one. At Preferred Behavioral Health Group (PBHG), we hear this every day from families across Toms River, Brick, Lakewood, and throughout Ocean and Monmouth Counties. Parents come to us carrying real fears and real questions. This guide is designed to meet you where you are — with honesty, clinical clarity, and no pressure. Why Parents Hesitate — And Why That’s OK The Most Common Fears (Named) Research on parental attitudes toward pediatric psychotropic medication identifies the same core concerns. They deserve to be named, not dismissed: “Will my child be on this forever?” The fear that medication becomes a life sentence is one of the most common barriers. In reality, many children use medication as a short-to-medium-term support while building coping skills through therapy and behavioral intervention. “Will it change who they are?” Parents worry about personality changes or emotional blunting. When properly managed, medication should help a child be more themselves — not less. “They’ll grow out of it.” For some conditions, symptoms do evolve. But waiting without support can mean years of preventable academic and social difficulty. The question is whether support right now could change your child’s trajectory. What the Research Actually Says Studies consistently show that parental beliefs are among the top factors influencing whether children receive appropriate treatment. Extended family opinions, past personal experiences, and cultural attitudes all shape a parent’s decision. A 2022 study by Hoagwood and Acri in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry underscores the importance of making evidence-based knowledge accessible to parents as a key lever for improving child mental health care engagement. PBHG’s approach starts with listening — understanding your specific fears before recommending anything. What Medication Management Looks Like in Practice The Assessment: Measurement-Based, Not Guesswork At PBHG, we do not write prescriptions based on a single appointment. Our child and adolescent psychiatry team uses measurement-based diagnostics — tools like the Vanderbilt Assessment Scales — to build a complete picture. We gather input from you, your child’s teachers, and other caregivers. Titration: Finding the Right Fit Titration is the process of starting at the lowest effective dose and adjusting gradually based on response and side effects. This is a partnership: your observations at home and your child’s teacher’s feedback at school are essential data. You will become an expert in what your child needs. When medication is properly managed, it should help your child be more themselves — not less. Non-Stimulant Options For parents concerned about stimulant medications, there are non-stimulant alternatives. Options such as atomoxetine, guanfacine, and clonidine work through different mechanisms. Our team will walk you through each option based on your child’s specific presentation and your family’s concerns. The School-Clinical Bridge: How Medication Supports IEP and 504 Success This is where PBHG makes a meaningful difference. Many families come to us after months of frustration trying to get their child an IEP or 504 Plan. Schools require documentation — evidence that a disability substantially impacts a major life activity. Without clinical documentation, parents are often told their child “doesn’t qualify.” Why Schools Need Clinical Documentation In New Jersey, a 504 Plan requires evidence that a disability substantially limits a major life activity. An IEP requires the Child Study Team to determine the child needs specially designed instruction — a process that involves testing by licensed school psychologists or neuropsychologists. PBHG’s role in this process: For 504 Plans, our clinical team has direct and regular input — providing psychiatric assessments and treatment records that establish your child’s needs. For IEP evaluations, we serve as advocates and guides: helping you understand the process, communicate with the school, and ensure the clinical picture is clearly represented — even though the formal testing determination rests with the Child Study Team. From Diagnosis to Accommodation: A Real Pathway Here is what the path can look like for families in Toms River, Brick, Lakewood, Middletown, and across Ocean and Monmouth Counties: Clinical evaluation and measurement-based assessment at PBHG. Diagnosis and medication discussion (if appropriate). Clinical documentation prepared and shared with your child’s school. PBHG advocates for your family throughout the IEP/504 process, providing guidance and clinical context. Ongoing monitoring — medication, treatment progress, and accommodations reviewed together. What PBHG Does Differently in Ocean and Monmouth County A Team-Based Approach PBHG’s clinical team works to coordinate care across your child’s world — with your pediatrician, with school staff, and with your family. While every patient’s care looks different, our goal is always the same: no one should be navigating this alone. When collaboration is possible and appropriate, we pursue it. From Preschool to Adolescence Treatment approaches differ by age, and so does our guidance: Age Group Our Approach Preschool (3–5) Behavioral parent training is the first line of intervention. Medication is considered only when other approaches have been insufficient. School-Age (6–12) Medication may be recommended alongside school-based support and therapy, depending on the child’s needs. Adolescents (13+) Treatment planning incorporates the young person’s own voice, input, and assent. Your Next Step If you are considering medication for your child — or struggling to get the school support your child needs — Preferred Behavioral Health Group is here. Our child and adolescent psychiatry team in Ocean and Monmouth County specializes in helping families move from hesitation to clarity. Schedule a Psychiatric Evaluation or call 732-323-3660. Reviewed by Adam J. Sagot, D.O., FAPA — Board-Certified in Psychiatry, Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, and Forensic Psychiatry. Chief Medical Officer, Preferred Behavioral Health Group.